UltraCrepidate

I turned on the TV, watched, disgusted at the world.
Then I flipped through the newspaper, read, and my anger flared up by its contents.

Today, I got sick of the world. Everything is expected. The news are reporting all the obscinities that humans commit. All the obscinities in the constrain of our imagination and people respond to it in the usual predictable human manner. They are reported because they are controversial.

Give me some news that I cannot imagine please.

From saying wise words and cliches to living them. The taste is bittersweet. The same words said now, conatain a totally different flavor than what it was.

The same words, different taste.

Walking away, rage within. Anguish over the tears that forces its way out. This is it. Goodbye Sarah my adorable dance partner. Goodbye to the studio that took me in: “Let’s dance” and goodbye Josée, Ivan and Claire for supporting me and teaching me.

Today, marked the end of a chapter of my life and the start of another. I hate myself for being so useless. If only I could find a job. Then we could’ve stayed together. It has been fun and I enjoyed our time together. Now we’ll each take our steps towards unknwon that we must face. Growing apart, day by day, instead of growing together.

My tears have dried out and my heart broken. I feel tranquility again and I am ready for the next battlefield that I must wage war on.

A sudden realization surged into my brain the same moment the feeling of anger and injustice twirl around in the air around me. Those people opened my eyes on the whereabout of a legendary place discussed in books: Utopia.

A group of fat chick, dressed up in what the media viewed as “Goth” waltzed into the homeless shelter kitchen. Waiting in line, with the snotty attitude that screams: “I am Goth I can do whatever I feel like.” What bothered me more is that they disturbed the peace in the shelter. People eyed them with disbelief, as they talked on their cell phone and flashes their clen cut expensive goth costume around…

But who am I to judge who deserves the aid. However, this made me realize one thing. Utopia exist in the society of the poor. They don’t have to do anything and they get the unemployment aid every month. The government feed them meals that has the value of $10 cdn. 1 plate of food $5. 1 carton of 1 liter chocolate milk and 2 cartons of 500ml carton of milk. That’s alot… More than I can pay for.

The best thing is… They don’t have to make their own food, worry about their health nor struggle to find a roof to sleep under. It’s all prepared for them and well thought up. All they have to do, is open their palm and ask for it.

It is true utopia. Canada is Utopia, if you decide to be homeless here.

A person without purpose? Can one exist in such state?

A disabled person knocked on my door today, wanting me to donate money so he can celebrate canada day next month. A deaf man’s plead for mercy. I refused…

I did not feel pity for him. Nor any sympathy. Why? Cause I smelled a rat from him. He… is the kind of person who makes other feel bad for his disability. His eyes, is that of an evil merchant. Trading my guilt for my own money.

When I refused, he made some sound of protest. I guess he’s deaf, for he couldn’t form any comprehensible speech. It made me feel very guilty, but my sixth sense tells me to shut the door.

My logical side is always late to come in to my rescue. I have to sit here to see the fake that he is. Here are a few points worth nothing:

1. He has a pot belly. That means, he’s been eating well.
2. His way of protesting, playing on my conscious by making grunting noise from the throat, resembles that of a person who have talked and talked for his whole life. Someone who’s been deaf for a while, will not protest in such way.
3. Why would someone beg for money so he can celebrate canada day? Begging is done so you can get bread.
4. He is nothing compared to that blind man I met. He is trash when put side by side with him.
5. FUCK HIM for using my conscious.