UltraCrepidate

Situation: I walk up to a girl, introduce myself, ask her if she has boyfriend and ask her phone number. She then accuse me of being a pervert for asking a minor 10 years younger for a date.

Seriously, I can’t tell the age of the girl in this country. Anyone from 27 and down look the same to me. Forget the fact that the average look is around the FUGLY line, I think I will have some hard time with woman here. I never knew that the ability to guess the age of someone comes with past experience.

I am surprised lately though that I am beginning to get used to some of the looks. I remember clearly thinking:”Man, the girls in this country are on average FUGLY.” So this means my sense of beauty is lowering.

I’ve also notice a strange thing. Occidentals here looks… weird. Especially the men. It feels as if something dragged them down. They don’t look like they have any energy at all. Unkept is the word I’d use to describe them. They look like losers… just the men though. I’ve only seen 4 occidental woman running around.

Utterly lonely today. Socially inept in this world, I lone for someone to talk to. My social circle is friggin’ small and I do not know how to express myself properly in this strange language. But then I think again, is it friendship I want? Or is it that comfortable feeling for being with someone who knows you inside out?

I got a new dance partner. She’s one of those girl who is pretty but I don’t have any romantic interest in. Then I started wondering, if I dance to find a lover?

All in all, it’s been one doubt after another. How do I take off this facade of me that automatically appears when I meet new strangers? GOD this feeling sucks. When can I start working damn it. I hate HR, they are always so slow.

No matter how I wash and dry them. They turn stinky after one day of wearing due to fungus. Especially my body towel. I don’t know how to make them not stink.

An Engineer.
And the period has finally decorated the end of that motto of mine. Caressing the hard cold iron encircling my small finger, I look back at what I’ve left behind while chasing this invisible mark on my mind’s imaginary battlefield. What a sad person.

Let me take a few second away from the crazyiness to record this feeling. I am sick and on drugs to recover faster. The world is a floating maze. I don’t know anyone and I feel like an outsider whenever I speak to anyone. They can tell, because the way I speak/act is different. I don’t know how to tell a joke thus making me a very boring person. I can’t have deep and interesting discussions with anyone, because I don’t know how to do that in this language. I hate walking in 100% humidity at 42 degree celsius. I hate sweating, I hate not having a job. I hate being blasted by smelly winds which I am beginning to ignore. I hate knowing that people are devious here and they scheme alot. I hate not telling people I am from other country because they’d take advantage of my naivety. I hate having to barter for every item I am going to buy. I hate them now, because they are strange to me. Maybe in 3 years, I’d prefer it this way.

I feel like a baby who needs to learn everything from scratch.

Interest, invasive yet non-judgemental questions about me. Yes, the selfish me. Why? Because it is exactly the opposite of what woman do. The existence of such person is, in my knowledge…hard to find. I was going to say that it is against the very nature of woman, but I know it is not true. And I wonder, if I will be able to meet this person eye to eye.

Why is this hard? Woman I’ve met thus far are good conversationlists… about themselves. Rarely, do woman raises questions about my behavior. Take for example my hobby. The secret life of dancing I lead outside of my normal life, essential part of me. I don’t think anyone has yet to ask me this very simple question that I ask every woman I met: “So what are your hobbies?”. I sometimes forgo that question, when I know that the person in question is going to be embarrassed about answering that. You’d be surprised how many people answers with shame:”Go out dancing, hang out with friends and shopping.”. Maybe it was just my tone of voice when I ask that questions.

I want to feel fear and I want to feel respect for the person in front of me. Also, in doing so. I know that:
1. this person does not fear to be blunt
2. she has good observational skills
3. she has interest in what I do.

Thus completes the chapter of my life called: Soul Searching. A term invented by aimless teenagers to try and grasp the meaning of the world around. I’ve crossed the line into adulthood in this chapter. How do I know? Because when I look at the young crowd gathered at the mall on weekends, self conscious and vying for attention. All I feel is annoyance. Why? Because their actions never have consequences and they use that to their advantage in their quest for attention. They live alone, as if no one else exist, and adults live with each other, knowing very well, that everyone else exist.

When will I write again? Dunno, maybe when I’ve fully transition out of this chapter.

Next should be the chapter of the corporate world, where my actions, will impact all those around me and their lives.
Period