Venture into the unknown. Never stop working. Always learn.
Work, dance, money, myself. Between all the things I promise to all these entities, I find myself feeling guilty for all. For not being able to serve them all equally. I find myself trying so hard to please everyone. I need to drop someone… and knowing myself, I will put myself last.
The exercise recommended by psychiatrists will be to take a moment and think about how lucky I am. What I have and what other’s don’t. I’ll take it even further and write down why in the hell I can still feel down with all these things around me.
I have rich parents who loves me. They are respected by my peers. Of course the benefit of respect and money outweight all the inconveniences that comes with being their children. I have a brother who loves me and doesn’t complain when helping me out.
And throughout my life. I’ve been trying to escape everything above. I don’t appreciate it because I want to work hard for what I have… and I did. I only succeeded in doing so, because my rich parents took cared of all the little things for me while I work hard towards what I want. No, I could not have done so if I was poor. The end result, which is who I am not, came as a result of having rich parents and working hard. Lacking any one of the above, I could not have done so.
I can also communicate in three languages and have a down to earth understanding of the world’s different culture. I am open minded and have an outgoing personality. I am an engineer who’s working as an ASIC engineer in a design house witho only a bachelors degree. I also dance and compete in dancesport.
Anything I want within my grasp. What else do I want?
Someone, a partner in crime, to explore all these wonderful things together, without having to prove that I am the person above. I want to be with people whom I don’t have to try to impress.
I can’t stand this. This feeling of knowing that no one is thinking about you.
I thought about suicide once today. Of course I’ve thought about it before, but today, I actually felt that it is a nice option. It lasted for 5 seconds.