UltraCrepidate

It is by pure chance that earth is settled into a 24 hour day. I wonder, what will happen, if a day is 12 hours instead. Will we all become spoilt brat who can only have attention span of 4 hours or will we just evolve a faster basic motor function/brain functions in exchange for the higher mental thinking. Not that we really need all that higher mental function…. Look at all the fucked up people around us. It makes me wonder if they even have a higher mental function.

Taking that argument further. Assuming that the transmission rate of neurons is going to be the same since that's the only biological existence we know, it is then wiser, to have specialization and class seperation in the society, to seperate the workers from the thinkiners in order to cope with the shortened day hours and have them born with different genetic code to perform different functions… borg.

I believe that we sent her a letter telling her that she needs the regie's approval in order to evict us.

She called. I wasn't sure if my roomate sent the letter yet or not, so I was still nice to her. But the phone conversation brought rage to me. Again she accuse me of lying as well as brining up non existent lawsuits and insurances etc. Usually, I am very commanding over a phone and no one has been able to fuck with me on the phone and win yet. Taking the submissive role erodes the core of my personality. I hate it, but I have to do it, because it is jesse's call, not mine to be rude to her. I can't wait though. I can't wait to get the go ahead on being rude. I wish I get a phone call from her after that. I want to get a phone call from her after that. I want to fuck with her mind till she couldn't handle it and hang up on me. I want to laugh in her face and tell her that there's nothing she can do. Like cutting off someone's eyelids and slowly pushing a burning cigarette into the person's eye.

This, is how much negativity she brought up in me from just one phone call. I noticed that this type of personality does not exist in people under 50 years of age and I haven't seen one in the male specie yet. Men around that age are just horny and easy to handle. This is fucking insane. I wish I could've dealt with it my way since the beginning.

So, by next Tuesday, she's going to cut off the power and change the lock on our door. … WE… are going to call the police and all of us, will spend some time being questioned by the police.

Just when I thought my life is smoothing down and that I can finally get on with what I want to do…. And that $100 bill for internet. I hate it when someone steals our wireless bandwidth.. .then finding out 2 months later that our account is not unlimited access. Only in montreal will you find these stupid internet providers who charges by download and upload limits.

I knew I should've checked when a scan indicated that there are two wireless network with the same name. A good indication of someone piggy back riding off ours. But I didn't as I was busy handling everything else. All these things that pile up, just make me more and more sloppy at taking care of the next thing.

End of ranting. Now I have to work on my zen.

Ugh… !!!!!!
Stop fucking my life up!!!!

I quit all my addiction just so i can save up money to buy that friggin' tailsuit. I am working hard towards something. I am getting 5 hours sleep on average everyday. I wear a $30 winter coat so I can save that $70. I don't have a cell phone to save that $30 per month and I never buy any luxury items. WHY!?!? WHY do you have to throw those frigging annoying things in my path to make me lose money!

I am working so hard towards it. Can't you at least give me a break, don't you know that my dance partner s a christian? If you help me you'll help one of your servants.

YOu know what? FUCK IT!

I see a wave of people being fired at work. Inside information tells me that the reason they use to fire people are just excuses for them to fire the ones they don't like. I have this sick idea of pissing them off so much and giving them no reason to fire me by being the perfect employee. I am pretty sure they'd use this live journal as a reasons to fire me, if thye don't like my attitude. I wonder if I can sue them for racism… HAHHA. Anyway, the prisoners are getting more and more desperate and inventive. I hate how they can pretend to have every right of using our service and souding as if we are doing something bad to them… After a few such calls, I started to get a secret kick out of hanging up on them. Sometimes I'll say “Sorry we cannot process your call, have a nice day” and wait to listen to their swearing.. Sometimes I let them say a few words only to hang up in the middle of the sentence, leaving them frustrated and hating us. I feel ashamed to get a thrill out of this. It is against the way of being that I am trying to achieve, I feel i've stepped down a few steps by lowering myself to their level.

Other than my busy life that I keep having. I am lucky to have 2 hours home today after work and practicing. Everyday it's the same. Wake up at 6am, come home at 10 pm. but today, I got home at 9pm. I am so happy with this one extra hour, so short yet so precious.

I visited cat's corner. Immediately,I noticed the brick wall decor and the mood lighting they have. It sets the right mood to back to the 60 when the cities are mainly industrial. Reminds me of a hard labour time with the rough textures of bricks. The floor…. My feet were having orgasms just feeling it through my snow boots. I can imagine what it must be like dancing on top of it and I must say, it's better than the floor we've been using for sure. Hopefull something good will come out of this…

If not, I'll just continue with my ways and help others that I can help. I am glad that I have rid my selfishness from the core of my behavior and continued on with helping those in need within my power. Helping is a subtle art. You can't give too much, nor can you give too little. You have to give the right help at the right time when they needed it the most so they can appreciate it and remember why they needed help in order to work towards their own independence.

For months, prisoners of the state of california has been taking advantages of the free long distance speech to speech service that we provide. The agents in the call center are getting frustrated because there's nothing we could do to stop them.

Let me explain this further with a case scenario.

The prisoners would call us up and ask for a sts operator, knowing fully that they do not require the service and there's nothing we can do about it. They would even teach the person beside them how to rip us off, while we hear everything clearly on the phone. The worst ones are those who are so defiant that they even said it slowly on the phone to tease us :”This, is a free service provided by california, I am taking advantage of it and there's nothing they can do about it.”

They know that sooner or later, we'll have to take action against it, and the whole prison is lining up to call their loved ones. One of the agent heard over the background discussion that there's at least 50 people lining up at each phone booth trying to get through to us.

Today, we are given permission to do something about it. Some of the agents loved the sweet revenge they are getting and enjoys playing with them and fucking their mind while talking down to these prisoner. Now that they have the freedom, they are mentally raping them back, taking pleasure while doing so.

I disagree with that attitude and instead, just response with a short “call cannot be processed” to save them the trouble save them from me. I just hope, that it give some of those prisoners, the break they needed to fix their problems, that some of them who took advantage of us, really needed it.

Alot of them found out that their girlfriend dumped them through us, alot got hanged up by what they thought as friends before and waaaay too much, like that defiant one, just continue organizing their little group of criminals through our service, or pimp their hos.

All in all, it is an interesting peek into an otherwise unknown world to me.

Turn away now if you don't want to hurt your brain.

So… the gullible me, bought a mic from futureshop… and of course, they all seal their products in those air tight plastic boxes that cannot be opened. I can't open them to test for compatibilities with my mp3 player first.

The specs on the back of the box doesn't help. They just list all the marketing stuff like, noise cancelling capability and 1-10v. The output signal of this mike is too small for my mp3 player to detect so the signal gets cut off at the input jack of my mp3 player. 1-10v my ass. I wish I have an oscilloscope, so I can probe this thing and find out exactly what is happening with the signal. I feel so mad, because I cannot return it as it works with a computer… Of course it works with a computer, a computer amplifies it I don't know how many times, an mp3 player doesn't have the power to do that.

Whining about this, I remembered my days as an engineer. While I was testing the chip we made, I have to doubt even the equipments we use. Unlike a big company, we cannot afford the best of the best, so we cannot rely on the testing equipment. It made me study and understand, how everything is done. So I am not just an ignorant engineer who tells my boss what the result is after what kind of measurement. So that I can make a decision on my own..

I remember, when HP's audio engineer came over, I kicked his ass with my knowledge in all the equipments and the deep understanding of signals, but he kicked my ass with his experiences

The fear of losing something is stronger than the desire for something better.

Have I ascended into the next level? I keep musing myself with this idea as I continue on reading the book about salesmanship “Zig Zager's book on how to close”. Fear of losing has been conquered so many times in my life, it no longer hold me prisoner.

We've been fighting about practice time and space for a while now. Not only do we fight while practicing, now it's extending to scheduling and our normal life.

A friend suggested that I check out daweson college 4th floor and 3rd floor… I hope this will be a solution to our constant fighting for schedule… It's so hard to find a big free wooden floor to practice. We want to improve, but there's no place to go to improve ourselves…

To cheer myself up, I spend the whole day today just talking with co-workers. People fills me with energy… Customers however sucks it away.

Here's a funny conversation I had that throw me out of my professional mind frame.

“Ma'am, I cannot put your call through if the person you are trying to reach isn't deaf or hard of hearing, we are the relay service, we do not do credit cards.”
“What nationality are you?”
“I don't see the relevance of your question to my placing a relay call for you.”
“Are you an american”
“I immigrated”
“I hope I never meet you”
Hang up

I feel slightly amused with a hint of anger and insult added to the mix with a handful of disrespect.

Danny was showing me the feel of a foxtrot today and had to dance with me as a woman in order to make me understand what it is.

Then we both saw two guys outside the glass door laughing and pointing at us in an insulting manner. That's when he said “stupid people, people here are all stupid, we get this all the time.” At first, I feel that it is very inappropriate for a person with his professional image to say that. Then I find myself echoing his same thoughts. I too, hate it when they laugh at us because the society taught them to laugh at us. They are stupid for not trying to understand us first.

“Men who chase the rhythms walk a lonely road” ~shall we dance. I hate the quote, but I live the truth behind it. I always wonder, if guys think i am hitting on them when I am trying to make friend with them, because they assume I am gay due to the fact that I am a dancer.

Sigh… I am tired.

I am going to stop asking myself “what else can go wrong” and I will also stop raising my fist angrily at the sky while shouting “bring it on, is this all you can do?”.

Computer went kaput for 2 days. I surrender… still couldn't fix the 10k download limit though. I think i have to call the tech support…. ugh.

I got mike a job… So amy can have his boyfriend stay here with her in montreal. Seeing how effortlessly I got him this job only helped to accentuated how I still haven't found an engineering job after years of searching, cold calling and networking.

sigh…
Just want to sit down with a coffee and good company without having to rush somewhere for one whole day.

So if We are to move in March, that means we have to spend the whole of febuary looking for apartments… as well as a good chunk of january settling this dispute. My dance teachers want us to start competing in Febuary. There are 4 more dances without routines. Latin costume $500 latin dance shoes $200, tailsuit for modern $3000…

And I think I just missed the january hiring wave. Ditto for a better paying job.

This is not happening to me…

I am like a willow,
You can push me
and I will lean back

because I have other thing to do
than to worry about how you want to take advantage of me
but when you take advantage of me

I will rebound
and pusher beware
whiplash hurts

I like to be pushed
To see how far you will go
and how decent you are

lazilly i await for you to go too far
then i can happily take my revenge
without guilt nor shame

Thank you for pushing too far.

It's official.

A formal letter is written by Marika the landlady and she's started showing out place to prospective future tenants.
It's funny how their first reaction was “C'est une place pour etudiants” Of course it is, what kind of lies has she been feeding you? That this is a state of the art, safe and friendly apartment?

Anyway we are going to fight this… but even if we do that, we still have to move out in the end because our tenant-landlord relationship is already destroyed so we can't stay…

FUCK… I don't have time to deal with this shit. In the official letter, she stated the things that I did which is an infringement of the lease.

I blew out the furnace, the whole building's electrical system and the hot water tank.
I put a 20 ampere fuse into 15 ampere slot.
I blast my music loud in the night and she had to call the police. I moved furniture around at 4am in the morning on jan 3rd.

That's her side of the story. I can't help but laugh at how stupid this is… I guess… since I don't want to jeopardize our court dispute with an official letter, I'll have to reply here in my own corner of the world.

I blew out the furnace? Why would I do that, on christmas day and freeze myself to death…while I was away from the apartment?
Yes… I put a 20 ampere in like the one that was in the slot before… Did you take a look at the 3 others that you put in yoursef before we moved in which is a 15, a 20 and a 35? And have you noticed how old those friggin fuses are?
Yes, I turned on my music for 4 minutes with the bass at min at 1/4 of the volume and you threatened to call the police on me.
Sure, I woke up on jan 3rd at 4am all puffy eyed, hungry and decided to move heavy furniture around the house. I am a psycho who have no life.

There are two ways of being mentally exhausted.
1- The sustained stress and worries from life
2- The mental degradation from studying constantly

Then there are two types of physical exhaustion
1- The constant physical labour of body
2- The physical exhaustion after a burst of intense active activities

I will survive

I cracked

I can give advice on it.
Fear the unknown that you are about to jump into. For that fear is what make life fun. Once you done it though, the event becomes a mundane thing that needs “taken care of” instead of some fantasy in your head that keeps gnawing at you. It becomes an incovenience.

The recent update at penny-arcade brought my attention to a sweetness that I might not experience.
http://www.penny-arcade.com/
That of playing a mmorpg with someone you love together. It is rare enough to find a women who sees past the prejudice of gaming and enjoys the different alternative world setup by programmers who spent night an day in their sleeping bags at work to bring this game to the public. Let along someone who enjoys an RPG…, more specifically an mmorpg… and be a miner in the game.

It brought my attention to a certain type of people in life. Of the ones who dare explore a new world, those who can supress their fear and make the leap through the door. Those who make a habit to try and try new things. I discovered that their are even greater seperations within those groups. One, an experimenter, the other the mimic.

I find that there are people who go into a new world, judging, if they don't find that it fits their idea of fun, they discard that group as silly or stupid. Then there are the mimics, who are able to synch their mindset to those in the circle and truly put in the effort to understand and enjoy the way they do…

She's someone I would just ignore in real life, but due to current circumstances, being the fact that I need to live here and that I've already fully moved in, I have to put up with her.

When my computer short circuited the wall jack and took out the furnace with it(which is what she accused me of), she got really pissed and threatened to kick us out on jan 1st… it is now jan 2nd.
However, today, the fuse blew out for the kitchen, she think I am lying to her that it has nothing to do with my computer and says that she's coming with an electrician tomorrow and a formal eviction notice while slamming the door in my face… I knew I should've said yes, I did something with my computer again… but that would be lying.

Let me explain this further. The electric circuit of the kitchen is sperate from those of all the other rooms. The appliances that are connected to it is the fridge, the microwave and coffee makers. My guess is that sometimes before, the furnace blew up and took our whole apartment with it. What little fuse that survived the surge is on the borderline of failing anyway.. SO they slowly degrade and eventually short circuit.

I am sure that somewhere in the quebec rental law says that the landlord has to take care of all the power stuff for the tenants. Alot of experienced people at work has been telling me that I could bring this to the rental board and get a rent decrease… but that's not me. I got what I wanted and no one is hurt, so I don't go out of my way to make her miserable. But if she actually sent me that eviction notice… I don't think I'd take it kindly.

Something must've happened to make her so aggressive, so outlandishly in your face rude. I think it is because she thinks by attacking first, it puts the other person on the defensive so they don't in turn attack her. It is the way she is and her age prevents her from changing. I just look at it as an opportunity to become a more well rounded person at dealing with things and people.

We walked in, suitcases in hand, hair dripped in gel and a big fat white fake smile on our face. Greeted josee, greeted yanick and got updated on who's doing what dance, the size of the floor, the age range of the crowd, their money, their ethnicity and off we went to choreograph 2 dances for the show.

With the stress of only 1 day to get everything down pat, I ignored the pain on my still swollen hand and all the itching patches of skin all over my body. There is just no time to whine.

The day of the show, music cd they prepared doesn't work, I worked till 4pm to get the shit together on a cd. Then drove to josee's house to put on my makeups… Thank god there's a gay hairdresser in the room. I would've done a bad job at fixing myself up under such short timeframe.

Arrived in a limousine…. saw the 900 people crowd, jaw dropped a bit, but thankfully no one saw us yet.
Looked at the price of the ticket in our hand… $90 per person. OUch for them, paying $90 for the food and us. HAHAHA

Rushed into a little packed room… a little smaller than the bathrooms at st-thomas high school in my memory. The 6 of us dancers scurried around to change into our costumes.

Did the show, screwed up a bit and did another show and screwed up a bit. But they don't know, they can't tell.

Drove back to her place at 3 am. Phew, what a stressful 2 days.

Woke up the next day with no hangover and just a bit of sore throat around 9:30am. Got ready and proceeded to meet Sonia at 11:30am and jeff at 2 pm. These… made the weekend worth it.