UltraCrepidate

Everywhere I look, it's : 3 yr of experience/master degree with no exp.

I think I am going back to school for a master's degree. Now if only they don't have that GPA limitation. Why is everything GPA related?

The things that I appreciate the most are things that I don't know if I have a chance of getting. Winning first in a latin competition, getting an engineering job( Yes, I would never appreciate a job in engineering as much if I was handed one right after I graduate ) are things that I've been denied of for a while. I want them badly…

Todays interview in French aroused the same desire deep in me. I feel that I want to pass it and I am not sure if I can pass it. I like it when I don't know the outcome and it makes getting the particular item/event just that much more exhilirating.

On a side note. News of Danny's retirement has finally reached me. They were the latin canadian champion… ” I am tired of dancing, I've been doing this my whole life, I want to try another sport or start up my own buisness”. I can understand him completely.

I've gained more experience from this trip than any other competition trip I've ever undertaken. Therea re so much to take into account that at one point I just want to explode and give up. Alot of the trouble can be avoided simply by paying a little bit more, but I can't do that since my dance partner demand the absolute minimum amount of money to spend, believing that I am trying to ruin her life in every decision.

This trip taught her what happens when you try to cheapen out on things. We rented a car for 140 for the 2 days and carpooled with 2 people charging 60 for Toronto and 30 for Kingston. The extra planning required to get people to come isn't worth it if all the trip depends on if you can squeeze 5 people in a car. (Which is what she pushes for all the time).

The hostel we decided to stay in turn out to be only 10 dollar cheaper than a hotel after tax. A hostel, although great for single travellers doesn't return as much when there's 2 people in the trip. Since a hostel usually charge per person, it is cheaper to get a room with a Bed and breakfast that offer all accomodation and breakfast or a hotel that charges per room. I think the fact that the hostel we stayed in resides in a very shady area with lots of graffiti scared my dance partner. She won't even let me drop her off across the street and walk back to the hostel at night. I had to park in front of the hostel and watch her get in….

Planning the driving route to Toronto is another adventure. I studied the map as much as I could and fail safe routes if one doesn't work. Since my partner complains and belittle me at the slightest hint of being on the wrong road ( c'mon she asked people if we are on the right road when we were on the 401 heading east to come back to montreal. ) Don valley pkway was closed when we entered Toronto. That is just amazing because it's the most important intersection in Toronto. My luck is really great.

But what was most amazing about this trip was the two peole that carpooled with us. Rebecca is a go getter who can manipulate logics, not to get what she wants, but to better her life. Some of the things she ask for is just a plus in her life and not necessary for survival. But believe me if she see something unfair, she's going to voice it and get what she wants… then apologize for giving you a hard time… She got us a 10% discount to the rental rate after an upgrade from a small car to a huge Buick. What's amazing is that she doesn't mind fighting for the rights of others. If I ever need to be on a negotiation table for a contract, I'd have her with me.

Alexandra is the next one. She is just… so supportive on everything. She think for your comfort and provides what is needed before you even ask for them. Also, she never complains.

Having Sarah side by side with them, suddenly make all her faults stand out just that much more. I was able to see clearly what bothered me most about her. Alot of the norm that she held in high regard is absurd as the norm of society. I was able to see her demands for special treatment as that. Demand for special treatment when she doesn't deserve it. I accomodated, but not because I was weak, but because I am a gentleman and have nothing else to do on this trip anyway. Her habits and needs are so annoying that you can't do anything you enjoy yourself if you live with her.

Unknowingly, I've become a hero in the eyes of every asian guy at the competition. I've become the symbol of possibility as I stand on the podium receiving the huge trophy that marked 1st place in Pre champ Latin. The first asian guy who've ever made it to this place in eastern Canada.

Asians have aleways been great at standard and excelled in that category. Often placing 1st and 2nd. But in latin, we've never placed in anything high. Perhaps it is the culture, perhaps no one believed that it could be done.

I was not raised in that culture.

So…
Received a ticket in my bin about Microsoft word document. The person has VIP warning and it is marked as high priority.

So I used my lunch hour to solve her problem. Nice and smooth right?…

She called back while I am on lunch and one of the Team Lead told me that I helped her and then corrupted her computer. Now she is bitching about it.

I looked up her info…. Executive assistant. Someone with too much power and doesn't deserve it.

First of all, I am not supposed to handle VIP calls.
Second, if she's the secretary she's supposed to know how to do that in word, not making me do her work for her.
Third, Word document cannot corrupt a whole computer. I repeat word document cannot corrupt a whole computer.

But did I voice that? No. I just took it and say: “Sorry, I'll try harder next time”
I handle about 20 problem ticket per day and 155 calls a week. Which is 50% more than average and that was just my first week at the new position while I don't know what to do.

It is easier and easier for me to find a job. I almost always have another job that lines up in the corner waiting for me to apply. The human network is built pretty solid and I am attracting people to me instead of being pulled to others. It's almost impossible to walk by downtown without bumping into at least one person I know.

Still, my pay check hasn't increased due to the lack of quality jobs. I simply don't have time to look hard enough before my passion for dancing demand more money out of me and forces me to take another job.

I have a crappy pay job with interesting things to do now. So the next step that I call phase 3 is to aim for better salary.

Which is why I was at the Government's tax office taking that 8 hour long exam after working from 2 am to 7 am. I think bumping into Diana at the same test prevented me from falling asleep in the exam room… We went for lunch and boy was it fun. She likes to touch me.

Throughout all these turmoil, there's an inner light that keep on shining through. A confidence that came with knowldge. A graceful existence created by knowing that I have choices and if the current option doesn't work, I can always choose another.

It made me more playful yet still taken seriously. It gives me power by giving me choices of denying anyone or anything I don't need. That I can do without, anything that I have today. This is thrilling.

The week was looking great, I was getting half of my chores done and moving on to some more helpful stuff. Then I lost my wallet. It fell out of my biking pants because the pocket was too small. Nowthat just hindered everything that I can do. I had $200 in it.

Swore for a while and went out for coffee with my petite romanian roomate. It made me feel a bit better, at least I am focused on what to do next… Get all the cards back.

Ironically, I just picked up someone elses' wallet off the side of the road 2 days ago and is ready to contact him. This incident just depressed me so much that I don't feel like accomplishing anything.

Plus my dance partner cut the practice short again saying she has to go home and study. When I do call her to tell her to book the hotel using her credit card, she wasn't there. Never called me back for the whole night either. Why is she lying?

Monday, there's an exam for a government's service agent position that pays 41k per year. It lasts from 8:30 to 3:45. Can I handle all these? Yes, I have to go on.

The way that I interact with people is based primarilly on how much people needs me. With my new job that I have and people seeking help fro me. I have become really confident in taking care of everything. I am really good at assuring people that it'll be allright and I am here to solve their problem.

I think this is what people wants to hear. I noticed a definite change in everyone's reaction towards me. Even my dance partner stopped nagging and yelling and listen to my proposals.

I walked in to Tim Hortons after an exhausting comp. Still warm from the exhilarting sensation of winning and losing. I just needed some coffee to calm my nerve for the long drive home at 1 a.m. in the morning.

I wasn't smiling, but simply looked straight ahead. Then I noticed a group of hot chick in front of me, turning their head sharply towards me to check me out, as if they try not to be obvious, but something in their body wanted them to too much. 5 in a row, one after another, as if the next one being prompted by the one before.

I was still wondering why 5 hot chicks decided to check me out when it hit me that I was still wearing my competition makeup and hairstyle. You can't really see the foundation anymore because I've sweated most of it away, but it did make me look darker and more dangereous. Of course the tuxedo and the open black seamless dress shirt I bought from japan gave me a wild but dressy look. The chain on the pocket of my pants made another big contrast between the wild and the classy.

Dressing up does make a difference.

It's the new day at work today as I finished my training for the new position. There's supposed to be 3 of us starting today but only two showed up. Meaning, the expert and me. The expert is there to help out when there's overflow and do all the higher level stuff whereas I am dedicated for the calls.

It was sneaky of the other person to call in sick on thanks giving. I don't like him for running away like that.

I am tired, it was mind boggling to take care of so many different problems that can possible happen in an international pharmaceutical company. 90% of the time I know shit and just bullshit my way through. Fact is, they are just procedures that needs to be followed that I didn't get trained on or I don't have enough access to help them.

I would really like to solve their problem really. I like solving problems, but I just don't have the resources or the access to do that.

Part of dancing is dealing with the dissapointments.

She cried when she learnt that they weren't being called back. Having won all her life and getting first place did not prepare her for the emotion. Hence she broke down. It is a traumatic event.

I decided to never discuss dancing with my dad again. He's on a mission to get me away from dancing no matter what, irregardless of all the uselful traints I am gaining from it. I've learnt that my dad is a bad role model in terms of encouragements and positive reinforcements. Like most asian people he specializes in criticisizing, telling you what can go wrong and of course brining up the fact that you are stupid as hell.

That is why, I will only use him as a reality check from time to time and take his words knowing that what he describes is the worst possible outcome.

Looking at all the familly members around the competition floor, I suddenly became jealous of all these people. They got someone here to support them. Cheer them on when they are down, warn them when they are too snotty. Be their social connection to some other parents.

No, my parents can never survive in this environment cause they won't know how to socialize. I think it's better if they don't come anyway.

Well, we are doing well in Standard. I can't believe that we got first even though our whole foxtrot routine in the final consist of trying to recover from bumping into people. I forgot the routine and took me a long time to know that I should just pick up from a position instead of trying to recover. Now we got 3 first place medals to show Danny so that we can start precham standard. I mean, c'mon, we got first even when we screwed up in the worst way possible. That's how much gap there are between us and the rest of silver category.

In prechamp latin however we aren't as fortunate. We didn't make it past the semi final. Surprisingly Marcel didn't make it either. He's probablly one of the best guy on that floor and his partner is cute and beautiful and has big boobs.

Another couple who've been dancing prechamp for years and I'd say the best in terms of being a couple didn't make the cut either. I am upset that we didn't make it but the 6 who got in are all very good.

I am still the only asian on the floor. It's quite lonely.

With the extra $416 I am making each month. Life have alot less stress than before. For starters, I can afford the classico spaghetti sauce that cost $2.51 instead of the generic tomato paste that cost $1.00 required to make my spaghetti sauce. It saved alot of time on cooking and my mind doesn't cringe when I buy it because I know I can afford it.

Now that I feel secure with my money situation, more decisions have opened up to me. Now I can start choosing the more expensive venture that is of beneficence to my time.
I can save time now instead of spending it to earn money. I think it is one of the tipping point of my life. But I would never have noticed this and realize this if I weren't poor.

It was a simple lie. An innoncent excusable lie that I'd just as soon overlook that day like every other day. Except this time I know the truth and I know that I am in the right.

I pretend that I didn't know the truth and she just used that to her advantage and try to degrade me. Lying so that she can lash at me with her poisonous words. She used my guilt to control me and I only found out now.

Yes we fight and we insult each other, but there was always this trust between us as dance partners. That we both want to win and everything we say and do is so that we can become better.

I can't believe in that anymore. Not after the lie and the reason why she lied. The fact that she use that innoncent look of her and her christian back ground to cloud people's judgement makes the act even more monstrous. She's evil.

I have started refusing to help her in anyway now. I think she's annoyed but today I showed her action. No arguments, no logics, no explanation, just pure action and the look on my face which shows my disgust at her.

She backed down, feeling the danger for the first time. She knows that she cannot push me anymore from know on.