UltraCrepidate

Why do I need to learn these if my subconscious already took cared of it?
Because your subconscious cannot believe that someone you like is doing you wrong.
~Causalien internal dialogues
Oftentimes during negotiation, I relied on my instinct to tell if a person is lying or not but was often unsuccessful. I later learnt that great liars are masters at manipulations of other people’s feelings. As a naive lad, my ego and pride overwhelmed all my reasons which led to me getting conveniently manipulated by some mature businessman. Even after people close to me pointed out the fact, I was still blinded by my own belief: my ego were venal to the best stroker.

Action speaks volumes and as a firm believer in the truthfulness of movements I read and believed this article.

The improvement of physical ability and sharpening of senses has been proven over and over again through numerous cases with hard scientific evidence to back them up. The mind however remains a mystery to most with intelligence as the only rough estimation we can find.

I want to establish the fact that it can be improved by learning something can be scientifically tested. The one thing that comes to mind are the retard savants who are able to perform incredible mathematical calculations in their head. There exists method today you can learn to help with memories and they use symbol association to represent a string of information to be remembered. A simple process of converting what is usually stored as auditory memory to image memory.

During one of my deep probing in the workings of my own brain, I’ve come to the realization that memories are accessed and stored through our sensors. It feels to me to be a painfully slow and cumbersome process with the kinetic memory that remembers the least to the visual memory that remembers the most. Oftentimes, I find myself thinking a thought through the form of sound in my head in order to make it concrete. Yet it always feels unnecessary, as if I have hidden mind that’s thinking in hyper mode. I am simply repeating the information so I can remember it.

Until I can firmly grasp the workings of the hyper mind, I will contend myself with creating a simple calculator in my brain that can do addition and substraction of large numbers automatically.

I’ve been contemplating this for a while now, after learning about the possibility of continued human brain cell growth (link)

The senses are very straight forward as we are limited to the sense of sight, smell, hearing, tasting and touching

The mind however poses the biggest challenge. I’ve made a preliminary in calculation, perception, memory, persuasion and leadership.

An introvert's greatest quality and biggest downful lies in their discomfort at repeating themselves… ~Causalien

In one of these late cool summer night, half drunk, discussion with people. I realized that as important as the exploration of new thoughts, new ideas, we need to put equal emphasis on the repetition of ideas previously accumulated. So many times I wondered in amazement as someone shared the same conclusion with me from another path of thought. Making me delighted at all the new possibility and affirmation that was previously invisible from me.

Sitting in then getting mildly drunk with a full stomac, I was surrounded by soccer enthusiasts who screamed with each close encounter. Everyone on the terrace transfixed to a 72″ screen. I looked around like a lazy cat in a hot summer afternoon.. Content of life, enjoying the moment as it trickles by slowly. In an hour I'd look up in disbelief at how fast the time flew by, but that's a future I don't have to worry now. There's always more places to go and fun to have.

The female specie has been a well behaved race in my mind until one day I got my ass slapped after dancing on stage with my hot dancesport friend.
That's when the whole table turned and I was the one with wild-eyed amazement saying “Excuse me!. Did you just slapped my ass”

Sun, pool, towel.
That's all I need to amuse myself. What can I say, I am low maintenance.

Two things I want to do.
1. Get the crap beaten out of me in a fist fight
2. Sit alone at the busiest spot in a trendy night club from 9:30pm to 12AM.

I haven't been paying attention to the apartment for a while and all hell break loose. Feels like I am 1 person cleaning up for 3.
That's it. I am just going to clean my room and say screw it to everything else.
Went to a open air concert for quebec festival. What's so weird is I am the only asian.

I came home unexpectedly to pick up something, only to find that my roomate had Lethe on the table feeding her milk with a spoon. (The coffee cream milk)
Back track a few days. I came home to this really weird smell in the apartment. It turns out that Lethe pooped water. I was wondering how that can happen if the only thing we feed her is healthy cat food.

Having her on the table while doing that just add insult to it as it defies every rule I set. I do not want to spoil Lethe and she's doing exactly that because she needed it.

This is a hard situation for me as I understand the consequence of a too strict house rule. It is also a consequence of living with people. I have to be more tolerant. But is this right for Lethe? In the end, I am going to be the one who suffers the consequence of a spoilt cat.

Been assigned a specialty… Actually I sat down with my bosses and asked for it. So i will be handling all FPGA related issues next year.

LJBF’d Ouch! LOL. But it somehow made my mood lighter. Today’s weather, sunny with rain.
I think I prefer it this way, then the tensions are all gone and I can flirt and tease like the normal old me.
One-itis means you want the person so much that you eventually do stupid things to make her lose interest in you.

Shield operational. I am functional again.
Quite a few good news though. Found a partner in crime to go backpacking in south Africa with me… this is priceless, been searching for a while.
Next week, our whole department is going to watch world cup soccer together in a bar during company time… SWEET ASS!! Nothing feels better than getting paid for entertainment and beer.

Screw personal improvements for a day. Screw things I want to do for the day. I can’t concentrate, I can’t switch on the professional mode and be cool. I can’t seperate this from work.
I let myself sigh and think about her the whole day. Tomorrow I will be back to normal.

The last time I felt like this was when I first used windows 3.1
What is this? Where is that? Can I click this? Oh darn I just saved the wrong settings, how do I get that screen back? I am very glad that I waited this long before I tried it. So that I can fully experience the shock of a new world instead of “Just another upgrade”.

You see some poor people on the side of the street begging. You give them money and you feel good.
You heard that someone you liked is lacking something, you wanted to give them what they need but feels bummed when he requested the help of another.
Giving, unlike what I was taught to believe, is an act of selfishness and jealousy, or more often than not to get rid of what you don't need.
The aftermath of a great tsunami that swept India is a coastline filled with worn cloths and day to day junk.
The more a person gives love, the more possessive their love is. It is the only thing that we cannot take by force and feel like giving even more when none is received.

Woot, my first boot into Linux. After a few years of struggle, I've finally joined the geek side and installed SuSE Linux. The decision is part work, part fun part boredom from doing too much high level programming.

Flip coin and join the other side of my life. I can now run forever without tiring. Although my knee and my leg muslce would like to disagree, it seems that I can't get a workout anymore from just running. I have to shorten the time, otherwise, I'd just fall into this self sufficient pace that will allow me to run for the whole day if needed.

My friend's page got slashdotted. While I am somewhat envious of his fame and celebrity, gone are the jealousy associated and replacing its position, is the more mature and generic pride for the person. It inspires me to do better and I am happy that I have changed.

My roomate spoils Lethe. Responding to everything she does, talking to her as if she's a cute little chiwawa. All the wishy washy cute things that you can think of. If this is what maternal instinct is, please shoot me. How can one grow when so much attention is directed at oneself?

I felt suffocated and I am only a bystander. It… pisses me off.

Lethe is the most aggressive cat out of the lot of them. With long black fur identifying her as the harbringer of bad luck I am sure that we’d get along fine. The mother, as if sensing what’s about to happen, came back from outside and gaver her daughter the final full body licking. As if to prepare the bride to be married off.

I am not used to be needed by another. Lethe’s very vocal about getting attention on the ride home and when I ignored her completely, she just perch on my shoulder to watch the road ahead.

It is strange to have something that you know will stay with you for a long time to interact with. It almost feels like an extension of yourself. Even if I am wasting my time doing nothing, she’s learning something new and will later teach me. It seems that I will feel more peaceful when there’s no plan for a weekend.

My life has a bearing now. The realization of what I should do next came with the decision to get a new kitten; the only animal that can survive my care without having to change my lifestyle too much. I've decided after Mitz offered me her selection of 5 new born babies, that it's time for me to experience some responsibility.

I've come full circle from when I set out alone to college and agreed with my younger self. That I will experience life.
Along the line of experience, I want to try immersing myself in a real online MMORPG as a leader. I also want to be a masters degree student in a university that has an active ballroom community. To experience what it's like to be looked up upon by your peers and show off. Instead of hiding it like some secret disease.

They start out with someone who want to do something with not enough planning.
Then they try to push these problem to those who are capable of handling them and who in fact doesn't have time to do so.
They then get pushed onto the managers of those who are capable with some money and pressure from higher up.
Capable person then get bombarded by 3~5 different people with the same request.
Capable person tries, fails, have people breathe down on the neck and nag every 10 minute.
Pressure, doubt blah blah
Then capable person solves the issue and goes home to sleep.

Somehow those who ask the impossible and expect things to be done for them the next day get it done for them the next day. What a weird world it is.

I've always thought that I'd be bored to death. That I'd have nothing to do but sulk in my depression. Little did I know that I've been sleeping the whole time. It feels like coming back from a quest to your home town. You changed, but everyone stayed the same. In the same time, small things changed… Small things that seemed so insignificant while you were questing. People paired off, have children, bought houses. Normal things in life that you are expected to be doing at a certain age.

Compared to them, I feel like a newborn child to this world. Only 6 month old and have a hell of a way to catch up. Hobbies to explore, shows to attned, interests to indulge in and friends to see.

We got to talk about how dance dance revolution is an abomination of dancing. It's basically tapping panels on the ground with your feet. As usual, I grow very silent when the topic of dancing comes around, fearing that I would give too much away. This has been on my mind for a while as well, why don't they make it so that the sequence of the arrows you have to tap actually follows some realistic dance moves.

Watched some Slovenian dancesport competition on google video. Got seriously discouraged. Then I watched some oxford finals . How can they call themselves pre-champs? Well, I guess they only have 4 years.

The coming Monday is the official day I take over my colleague. Beneath my cool demeanor and my easy smile, I am scared shitless out of my wits.

The weekend feels so welcoming, knowing that I don’t have to face the problems I am working on for 2 days straight. It’s one thing to leave work on Friday with everything done, it’s another when you have really pressing matters to resolve and have to put it on hold because… well… you are expected to put it on hold.

What a great world.