UltraCrepidate

Work is an euphoric melange of challenge and play. Beetween bursts of childish banters, we each worked towards solving the increasingly challenging problems created by customers who like to push technology too far. With afternoon foozball matches, dart throwing contests, video games, lunch time stories of the strange places the company send us to and a handful readilly available array of weird ideas, I am beginning to see these people as familly.

“You gotta breathe smoothly when you dance for your movements follows the way you breath” ~Wei Wen Chen
This article explained the intricacies of breathing.

Along this line of research, numerous research articles all suggest the same thing. That when we breath, we should make an effort to breath through our stomac. i.e. “lie down and put your hands on your stomac and see if it is your hand that rises or your chest? Breathing through chest leads to short jagged breaths which is a response to the fight or flight reptilian behavior. It put us in a constant state of anxiety and an uncomfortable existence.

Breathing through the stomac should allow for longer breath (an average of 8 breaths a minute) as the diaphram actually moves and expand to allow for more room. We should inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth, taking longer to exhale in order to purge the CO2 from our body.”

I remember them as kids and used to look at them like an uncle would at their cute intelligent nephew. Proud.

I haven’t seen them for a while, but when I see this picture today, with that intensity on her face. Something ticked in me. “She can be so hot when she grows up”. What followed was a mixture of irony, lust and WHAT THE FUCK! The world of Dancesport really IS filled with Lolitas. Thank god the media hasn’t discovered them and destroyed them like that beauty pagent girl who died

The journey started out filled with energy and hope. I always start out the run using my toes and the ball of the foot to burn out the calf muscles, giving me a smooth and flowing motion through my whole body. The sun shined bright and my breathing, even. People on the street peered at me enviously, wishing that they can run like I do. Wishing that they have the determination to train.

The track is filled with people with different sport activities. Most of them wandered around aimlessly in different form of rest, not exercising at all. Some got up to move a few minutes at a time, but sat back down right away. Often wonders why they are still overweight even though they exercised the whole afternoon.

Near the 8km mark I felt my knee burning from friction, a slight adjustment of the way I ran shifted the load to the other knee. A small doubt started to develop, questioning whether or not my body would break down at the next corner. Time passed by, muscles started burning and my whole lower body became really stiff. My brain had to focus on what the legs will be doing next and guide the movement process that used to be automatic.

Last four rounds, my arms started to tire from swinging back and fourth, I shifted the motion to using my back and kept my arms pinched to the side of my ribs. This required more cardio, but that was ok. There’s only 4 to go.

Last round Started sprinting on toes again. Suddenly, the body is no longer tired, but my lungs couldn’t carry through. I slowed down after half the circle and came to a grueling crowl right before the finish line… Crossed and stopped.  Then all my muscles felt like cramping up. My legs wobbled under my own weight and I collapsed.
16km in one hour. Half way to 32km, half way to Iron Man.

I have never been so creeped out in my life. I think this must be what a girl being stalked feels like. I try my best to understand people, believing that even the cast outs of our society deserves understanding. Soupe kitchen volunteering experience softened me to the extreme behaviors of the often violent homeless world. Ballroom dancing taught me the glamour and facade of the “High Society” and Nordia opened my eyes to the lifestyle of drug addicts and artists. A familly of prodigy salesmen and a great Mentor prepared me for the games of mind control.

I thought I am well prepared to deal with any type of people until this person. I tried to go deep and understand why this person freaks me out, but I can only tentatively touch the surface, because this person is so normal in every regards, except for one thing. The belief in the total absolute certainty that things should be done in a certain way and anythign else is unthinkable, inhumane.

Before this, I used to debate on whether or not to focus on one thing and dedicate my life to it so I can succeed. It’s either that or spread yourself thin to become a jack of all trade. What I didn’t understand back then was the end result of that path of specialization was the dream thought up by someone else and somehow given value by those without a dream of their own. Who is it that decided it is important to be the #1 in the world in 100m sprint?

I am afraid because the reality that this person sees is one that is constructed to shelter that reality. You can never know what trickery is pulled behind your back or when the person will decide to go postal on you. This type of people will construct a fantasy world to suit their need. Whatever need that is necessary, which is the exact danger that freaks me out. This person, taught me the danger of a complete acceptance of one belief.

I need to get away.

I should’ve known when a small incident happened for no reason that the weekend is going to be hectic, but I think I’ve lost my edge and am too well grounded in my life that the sense of peace permeates all. I saw the incidents as nothing more than incidents.

Then someone jumped the metro and I was stuck in it for 30 minutes as I came home from a night of Formula 1 party in Downtown Crescent. As I sat there in the complete darkness of the tunnel, I observed how the fear of people feed on itself until the crowd almost lost control. Loud bangings, pepole shouting, asking what’s going on. People trying to lead and arguing against others trying to lead. Just when I was aobut to give in to fear, not of the unknown but from the crowd turning into a mob, the intercom resonated with a police officer’s radio. You can see everyone relieved at that sound. Suddenly, there’s peace again.

I learnt that, yes at a total power outage, the train’s broadcast system still works, it has an independent power source, but the intercomm power source to the train operator is connected to the main source, hence shut down. Even when the high voltage is on, there’s still a small concrete walkway you can step on to get to safety, but you have to be very careful not to touch other wires.

That’s only a small tip of iceburg. I have to rescue my roomate from Romania custom. Sigh…

The first step in creating the automated large addition/substraction facility in my head lies in figuring out a way to perform the calculation without my conscious mind having to interfere. For this, I’ll need a way to calculate without having to remember any rules or spend effort on governing the process.

This coincides with something I learnt in circuit theory. It has to do with the design of the simplest of all circuit to do binary calcuation. The design notes are presented below. I decided to use binary calculation and 16 number increments because of their relationship to each other which makes for easier conversions.

At the following stage, I selected a sense that I can train to act as the decision process for the result. I decided to use my sense of direction. If you look at the unit below, you’d see that I only have to train for 4 positions. When I do the calculation, I imagine this circle surrounding my body parallel to my two out stretched arm. First number comes from the top, second from the bottom, the result goes to the left and the carry from/to the previous/next number on the right.

In a real calculation, I’d line up the binary numbers in a row and start the process from the right side to the left. At the moment, this can be done automatically if I have a pen in my hand to write down the results.

The next step is in finding out a way to store this answer without having to interrupt the way I calculate. Already, I can do large number of calcuations faster without giving no thought about what I am calculating. Currently I will be doing calculations on a set of 4 numbers at a time. Because 4 bits = 16 increments and I can easilly memorize the 4 bit pattern to do really fast conversion for the answer.

I’ve finally decided to try bicycling to work and measure how much time it takes. The total round trip was 3.5 hours, 2 hours there while sightseeing and 1.5 hours back. Here’s the map of the road I traversed. A mere 66 km., still far off from the 144km requirement of triathlon, 1/5 of the way to Ottawa.Cycling is a sport for a specific type of people. The very act of it requires the person to open their senses on the open road and be aware of everything. Cars, buses, trucks, bikes, pedestrians, rocks, potholes, tree branches and PEOPLE WHO INSIST ON SWINGING THEIR CAR DOOR WIDE OPEN JUST AS YOU PASS THEM.

“Can I ask you a favor?”
“Yes Peter ask away, I’ll see what I can do.”
“I need a mentor to teach me in the art of business”
“Sure”
She’s a confident brunette with a head of short hair which enhances her regal features. VP of a promising company, she has the experiences and sales techniques as well as a veteran in the workplace politics. This fact has long been firmly established in my mind, how else did she rise from nothing to a VP without being one of the founders.

Although her smalll stature and slightly anorexic body gives people the initial impression of a fragile porcelaine doll, her attitude incites whoever is with her to cut all the bullcrap and get on with whatever needs doing. She can pull it off, because her style combines that of the high society complexity with precisely timed swear words that hits you when you don’t expect it. The perfect combination of elegance and brute force.

I am greatful and proud of her.

One of the event that really messed me up is a certain event that occured between me and a girl. Yes, like everyone else, women fucks up my well being.

She’s what I used to consider a perfect girl. Beautiful, nice, giving and does whatever I asks. She shows alot of interest in me and even an idiot not schooled in reading body language can tell that she’s interested. “She’s perfect, but why can’t I feel anything?”  That was the question I eventually asked myself when she got tired of hinting and just straight out asked me out.
I said no.

Then I realized that I just refused what my logical mind considers the perfect mate. Ever since then when someone asks me what I like in a woman, I reply with: “I don’t know”

“Now did Aeneas descry deep in a valley retiring, a wood, a secluded copse whose branches soughed in the wind, and the Lethe River drifting past the tranquil places. Hereabouts were flitting a multitude [of phantoms] without number … Aeneas moved by the sudden sight, asked in his ignorance what it might mean, what was that river over there and all that crowd of people swarming along its banks. The his father, Ankhises said: – They are the souls who are destined for Reincarnation; and now at Lethe’s stream they are drinking the waters that quench man’s troubles, the deep draught of oblivion … They come in crowds to the river Lethe, so that you see, with memory washed out they may revisit the earth above.” - Virgil, Aeneid 6.705

Watching her sleep, a sense of awe transpired and I became aware of the trust that this creature puts in me. I am still getting over the fact that Lethe has survived my 1 month care. That she hasn’t: run off, kill herself from jumping into the oven, die from my carelessness, and die from unknown disease, which befell many of my previous undertakings. Not bad from a man who’s victim includes a cactus plant that died from his care.

Despite some hard times between us, she turned out to be a curious adventurer. The first day she arrived at the new environment, instead of hiding and pawing around slowly to get used to the environment, she stalked about in an ever-increasing concentric circle to explore the environment.

On days when I take her out for a ride in my car, she’d perch on my shoulder like a parrot to keep me company. A curious cat by nature I have no intention of hindering her learning process by punishing her for something wrong or rewarding her for something bad. Instead, whenever she learns to do something potentially disastrous, I’d make sure to show her the danger under supervised condition. Letting her fall, or burning her if necessary.

The polydactyl brat is born with 6 toes. Adding a coat of black fur, Lethe successfully secured herself as the controversial symbol for luck and misfortune. In the medieval time, this combination is supposed to be the most sought after type of familiar for witches.

People say that pet’s personality takes after its owner. I am very curious at what Lethe will become. By observing her, I hope to gain an insight of my soul, or even better, a glimpse into my own shadow.

Water, sun and beach towel. This combination has always provided a soothing experience for me and allowed me to contemplate what to do with myself next. Surprisingly, I’ve reached what I set out to do and I can feel the unsettling restlessness building up within. Looking back at my life, I’ve always had goals that are hard but reachable. Now, I’ve exhausted those options and left with either unreacheable goals or “not worth the effort” goals.

Again, like the young man that I was. I asked myself the same question: “What now?”