UltraCrepidate

The Story

When it comes to photography, I prefer to play with the resulting image instead of getting a good picture right out of the camera. Part of the reason is because my camera is very grainy and the other part is because I am still not very good at controlling lighting. Lack of equipments also played into my problems with lighting. There were numerous times when I was tempted to go out and buy a new camera, but I held back because I understand that I haven’t explored the current camera’s full potential yet.

I’ve been acquiring Photoshop techniques here and there and using them on selected pictures, however I’ve never tried to apply all the techniques on the same picture before because I simply have too many pictures to touch up. Besides, I haven’t taken anything that’s worthy of such dedication. That is, until I took this shot. I’ve basically been ignoring the rest of the pictures from the photo shoot and concentrated on this one out of some weird determination. I wanted to create a metallic-reflective skin with a kind of monochrome off color like image. Something to convey roughness and beauty at the same time.

The roughness is achieved through different layers of color adjustments and focus is placed through an accidental spotlight effect from using flash. I would’ve wasted a few minutes to apply the effect in Photoshop if it didn’t occur naturally.

Original

Alex, who used to coordinate models back in Romania, has a knack for setting up the shot and composing the pose. I have to admit, that without her insight and her taste in clothing, this picture wouldn’t have come out as well as it should. I simply angled the camera and adjusted the flash…

Experimental

Still uncomfortable with color, I decided not to include the results from the final stages. I also struggled (and failed) with the technique needed to properly extract hair in order to compose the image into what I had imagined in my head. Makeups, hair extraction, fantasy like bright colors are all techniques that I am not familiar with until I made my attempt this time.

There comes a point when an artist need to stop working on an image. In the creator’s eye, it might not be perfect, but in reality, not many sees it that way. Which is why I decided not to present the image in its final form. In my opinion, the colors don’t match as well and the balance is broken because of my stubbornness. I wanted to present the hair, the lipstick, the eye. Yet I find that when those are enhanced, it takes the focus away from Alex herself which should be the most important part of this picture. I only wish that I can be good enough one day to present the final image that is well balanced. Either way, it is too much of a waste to throw it away so I decided to showcases it here:

True to my “waste not” approach to life. I developed a system to freeze and store all my food after I cook so that I will eventually end up consuming them all. The goal is to have 100% usage of the groceries I bought.

I’ve been heading towards that direction and staying there for a while. Wasting no food what so ever, buying most things fresh, reducing the amount of waste to 1 garbage bags every 2 weeks.

That is, until yesterday, when I cooked up something so vile that even though I am famished and weak, my stomach refuses to digest. The smell alone made it turn and it’s all I can do to stop myself from vomiting. Add that to an oversight of not freezing certain prepared food 3 days ago and I get a 200% waste rate for this week. (Last week’s purchase + this week are all going to the dump.)

What I learned from this is this: 1. Cooked sausage in tomato sauce does not preserve well. 2. Onion + nutmeg powder + cinnamon powder is a very bad combination for a salty dish. 3. Follow my own intuition instead of the recipe and scientific data.

I feel bad for throwing out these food, but I don’t think anyone would want to eat it unless they are dying from hunger.

An unexpected result. When I thought up this particular rule in the Grind List, it was intended to act as a cool down so I don’t overwhelm myself when checking the list. A 2~3 days cooling period in which I am banned from performing a particular task. The consequence of this self deprivation manifests itself into a pleasure. Making me look forward to the task again because I am barred from doing exactly that. Reverse psychology working in all its glory.

Having to tear myself away from the task at hand when the time is up also helped in creating the obsession as well. Usually, I’d actually woke up wanting to go back to the task the next morning, but at the same time, I understand that it’ll be even sweeter if I waited.

The best part is, understanding the psychology of it doesn’t take away the fun. I am actually surprised and proud of the system I thought up and implemented 2 months ago.

I am probably the most skeptical person when it comes to religion and any so called charity organization. Opting to trust my own observations of their actions than the promises and flattery of these self-sacrificing leaders. How good of a charity or religion can it be, if the leaders bath themselves in riches and power? Gathering resources and gaining political allies as they expand their operation. Yet there is one who’s managed to influence me. Without her, my ways will have none of the Buddhist influence that is rampant in everything I do now.

As with any religion or charity, I resisted valiantly at the beginning. I resisted because I was afraid to be disappointed and have remained so until one fateful day after I have taken roots in Montreal. It was a hard time in my life, perhaps one of the hardest period I have endured. Her book, a gift from my aunt in Taiwan, happened to be there and I desperately needed hope to get out of the rut. So I read it, I sat there and stayed transfixed for the rest of the night. Don’t quite remember what I read, it wasn’t religious preaching, wasn’t about something that Buddha said or how to be a good person. It was just stories, the first of which being hers. It didn’t give me hope, just the opposite, it painted a more troubled world than one I had imagined before. They the style of writing and the choice of words deeply soothed my troubled mind. I had goosebumps (I subconsciously get goosebumps when I experience something really good) while reading her life’s story and how she funded 慈濟 (Tzu Chi).

She is but a mere nun, yet her actions can move mountains. Her life is devoted to saving people and her actions clearly indicate that she has no desire for power nor money. She lives, eats, breath her philosophy. Compared with the legendary saviors of other religions, I prefer to believe in this person. Living, working and aiming for a better humanity on the same earth in the same time zone. I don’t whole heartedly believe in Buddhism, but I do believe in her and the calm which she brings to people like she did to me in my troubled time.

Jealousy defined our relationship. Ever since I realized that, I’ve sought of ways that would rid me of this feeling. But no matter how much time have passed, I still get that heart wrenching jealousy whenever I randomly came across one of your pictures. This feeling lasted long after the love had died, past the eventual indifference to finally transcend time. Not even the longing that I had for my first ex lasted this long.

I hate feeling this way. Negativity overwhelming to my otherwise peaceful life. I feel as if I am being reduced back to the person that I was. Frustrating because I want to show you how much I’ve grown yet spiteful at the very thought of wanting to please you. It drives me to seek enlightenment hoping that one of these will release me from your hold. A hold that only I know of.

Maybe I should congratulate you on a job well done? At being so good at it that I had to perform a clean cut to stop all ties with you. To tell you the truth, I was afraid, very afraid. That if I had kept in touch, I would be reduced to a pure being of jealousy. Till this day, it still comes back as strongly as before, yet I am not jealous of anything in the world. No, I’ve become a very giving person in the process. Sharing, giving while trying my hardest to not envy and not need. Making sure that I will no longer be jealous of anything.

Yet whenever someone mentioned you, there’s that feeling again. Each and every time I’d ask myself what I am jealous about? Each time the answer is pure and simple: your understanding of me.

“Thank you for taking the time to submit your application to ING DIRECT. Unfortunately, due to information received from a credit bureau reporting agency, we are unable to offer you any new/additional credit or change any account details, at this time.If in the future you feel you have had a reasonable change in your income, liability or credit history, please feel free to call one of our Direct Associates to re-apply. In our experience, positive and significant changes to liabilities/credit history typically occur over a period of at least one year.”

I got rejected for a $700 RRSP loan. Which puts me on par with the credit rating of a penniless student. It’s one of the possibilities that I expected, but the arrival of which still cracked me up and made my jaw drop for a moment. No matter, I just have to tap my homeline instead and do a mini smith maneuver with RRSP. Ah, the beauty and comfort of having a constant low interest loan available to you. I’ve decided that I will not do an RRSP loan unless I am desperate in the future. The approval process demanded one too many personal identification informations for security purposes. I am not sure I want to reveal this to someone over the phone in the future. Homeline is a lot more comfortable.

Their rejection also gave away the limitations of these credit checking agencies: they cannot see some of my accounts. An advantage that can be manipulated and used.

It seems that my ultimate secret dish #2 cannot survive the abuse of microwave. After much testing involving different attempts at retaining the water, microwaving seems to harden muscle structure as the water escapes, a very annoying property of microwave. Since the evaporation happens at a cellular level, even if you wrap the meat in microwaveable saran wrap to trap the steam, they will still escape once the meat gets unwrapped. Letting the meat cool before unwrapping only serves to make a puddle of water on the skin.

Wrapping works only if the skin and meat you are cooking is fairly good at containing water (something that fish does very well) or if the texture of an ingredient allows instantaneous re-absorption of the water vapor (rice for example). I am very disappointed that I cannot make this a microwaveable dish to enjoy it at work. Combined with the complex procedure and the cost of the ingredients makes it only useful for important dinners and guests. However, the taste alone propelled it to #2 of my secret dishes. Out of all of them, this one has the greatest taste, but it simply cannot beat the #1 dish in versatility, freezability, microwaveability and cheapness (not to mention great taste+ smell). Unlike #1, with #2, I won’t be encountering scenarios where 4~5 people are gathered around my cubicle asking where that nice smell is coming from. It’s a subtle dish that relied solely on texture and taste to blow people’s mind when they least expects it.

They are still, just copies of other people’s idea though, but it is giving me hope that one day, I will be able to create my own with all the experiences I am gathering. The general direction I am heading towards is that of a mixture between French, Japanese and Mediterranean.

This is about a duck. A very dead and tasty duck that I had at a restaurant called “Social” in Ottawa. It was to celebrate something with Jeff or a simple catching up. Originally, we promised each other to get straight A in a semester and go to “Social” as a reward, but we never made it in 4 years of our college life. I don’t remember the details and circumstances of why we decided to meet there that day, after a few years of separation. My memory focuses only on the important part of that day. Meeting Jeff and eating that duck.

Duck meat are tough. Since they are usually not bred in captivity, their muscles are also hard. Harder than wild chicken in most cases. I know cause I used to eat “Alcohool Duck” with my aunts and uncles during those special Chinese holidays. So I expected some tough meat to be on my plate when I was at “Social”. What went into my mouth was something completely different and something I had not thought possible before. No, denial of possibility was not even considered, it was a total ignorance of something’s existence. Like not being able to see ghosts.

The skin was crispy crunchy and coated with various herbs to add an accent, which is easily done by coating the duck leg with supermarket bought coating. However, the meat underneath melted in my mouth like butter. I had no idea how meat can melt like this, let alone fathom what needs to be done in order to give two complete different properties to the same piece of meat. I am not talking about the type of contrast you get in chicken nuggets. No, it’s like a thin hardened shell that protects the vulnerable liquid inside. Liquid meat.

I remember that I shed a few tears while still biting into my first morsel of duck. The realization of the thoughtfulness made me all warm and fuzzy. Since then, I have gone on a quest to figure out what needs to be done to create this contrast so that I can show my friends the same kind of joy.

Today, with 8 years of cooking experience under my belt, I finally figured it out. Took me 2 days, 4 chicken legs and lots of planning before hand about how to systematically rule out possibilities (Food isn’t free). I am going to add this as the second of my secret dishes. The first being “Creamy ham and fettuccini”. I’ll name this one: “Social duck”

I can feel the tingling sensation of change in my body. A sort of pent up frustration of how things stand currently in my life. Things I want to accomplish, skills that I want to improve on and new unknowns to explore.

I get frustrated at my need to relax after spending 3 hours on a personal project after work. There just isn’t enough time per day to do things without sacrificing quality sleep. Sleep that is essential for absolute concentration. I want to achieve these goals, I know I can achieve them and I have the ability to pick myself backup even after defeat. The only road block ahead is time. Either increase that, or reduce yet again the amount of projects I work on in parallel.

I know that this frustration is the first step towards change. My subconscious has already formulated several solutions, my conscious just isn’t ready to weigh in the pros and cons yet. After that, it’s simply a decision followed by action.

This waiting is suffocating me.

I haven’t had time to post anything of quality lately, then again, I’ve lost the appetite to write for an audience. This way, the pressure to always write in order to keep the traffic will be gone and I can just do it whenever I fee like it on whatever topic I want. Perhaps that is the elusive purpose of this blog that I’ve been trying to find.

Truth is, a month and a half has already passed and I made progress on everything I want to make progress on. Yet the end seems so far away because the progress I’ve made seems so little. Thanks to the grind list I made, it’s going to take a year for everything instead of never. Still… a year. I want time to stop so I can finish them NOW! To make my life more difficult, I added Kirk and Pei-Yu to my sub-domains so they can try and grow their site and eventually make money. Kirk likes to talk about food and I post some guest post there as well as contribute to the site’s organization. I don’t need to help Pei-Yu much with her superluckystar site. Within a month, after very little promotion, her traffic has already surpassed my main site. This leads to some very interesting observations. 1. There are a lot more Asians on the Internet than English speaking people. or 2. People really want to believe that they can change their luck.

If you are the type that click around and have been reading this for a while, you’ll probably notice some small changes here and there. That’s because I’ve been committing 2 sets of 45 minute sessions each week into figuring out one function that I want done on this site. Last time it was the related posts you see on the left side, this time is listing all the post in a particular month for the archive section. I believe that by the end of this year, I will finally have UltraZen Ver1.0 done. Most of the hard work is in sitting down and finally looking through wordpress code.

Besides these, running around doing everything and trying to experience as much as I can. I feel the need to decide on a field and focus now. I mean I can be as ingenious as I want in any field, learn like a prodigy etc. But when it comes to the jist of it, it’s still nothing when compared to those who has 20~30 years experience in the field.

Snowboard: Borrowed

Snowboots: Borrowed

Winter equipment: Borrowed

Private snowboarding instruction: Friend card

Tequilla: Free

Vodka: Free

Headache: Free

Home cooked meal: Free

Memories and pictures to remember: Free

Lift pass: $28

Gas: $30

Dinner: $25

As frugal as I try to be, a weekend of action still set me back $83. Thank you Mark for lending me some winter protection, thank you Karl for all the snowboarding equipments with the private instruction without that, I wouldn’t have been able to lalump down the hill on my second try. Thank you Karin for all the free booze although the splitting headache takes the fun away. I should never have tried to drink after snowboarding. Thank you Brahim for nailing the coffin shut by offering me Vodka. Most of all, thank you Kirk for inviting me over for dinner. I do miss families.

I never knew these people in high school. Except for the five or so people I hanged out with, but even them felt different. I don’t know whether to attribute this to getting older or the fact that the way I see the wold after 10 years of life had completely changed.

I was screwed up back then. Having moved one too many times while still struggling to learn French and English. It forced me to be conscious only about myself. I didn’t have the skills and knowledge to befriend and interact with people in the socially correct way and thus didn’t have any impression of what their personality is like. This reunion, is probably the first time I really get to know them in my life by conversing with them in a language which I now know and can freely express myself with: English. Yep, that’s right. English, my 3rd language.

I’d like to get to know a few of them better. The brief moments of talking was enough to get a glimpse into how interesting they are. I am sure, that a few of us have more interesting things than “got a job” “got married” “Traveled here and there” to say.

The experience was awkward and enlightening at the same time.

Todo

Buy two ultra high speed SD card.

Buy one USB key

Buy 7″ touch screen

Install Linux and XP onto SD card

Install touch screen

Story

I finally caved and bought Asus’s Eee PC, giving in to my lust for gadgetry. The addition of a laptop to my life is long past due, because I couldn’t justify it enough to get it. This time though, I figured that my dream laptop won’t materialize for another 5 years, so I might as well get a cheap one till then. Let me warn you first, that this post will praise this laptop so much that you’ll feel goose bumps coming out of your skin. It is perfect for my current needs.

Physical

It’s about the size of a hard cover book. Or in geek term, about the same size of 1.5 CDs lined up, which is a lot smaller than I originally thought. It’s great for people who value portability, but a drag for those who are looking for a powerful portable computer with the biggest screen possible. In essence, whether or not you like its size depends on how you plan on using your portable laptop.

With this size, it basically replaces the notebooks I always tote around with me to jog down random inspirations. It’s small enough to slip into a large trench coat pocket and un-obstructive enough that you can bring it to the can with you at work or take advantage of the 6 minutes wasted beside the microwave.

Hackability

There is a whole wiki dedicated to hacking eeePC. The ones I want are to install a touch screen, upgrade my RAM and boot from SD card. I’d say that this laptop is 100% hackable and has an active community support for it along with picture tutorials of how to gut the laptop.

Plan

The plan is to integrate the eee PC into one of my 2008 projects to create a personal mobile platform. The eee PC will act as the terminal to login, send command etc when the web server does the storage. Since I am running Linux on both I have to study and implement every path in this setup.

Successor

Since I’ve never followed the tech craze, I usually only upgrade to fufill a need. eee PC will allow me to recoup the time lost while waiting for something. It will only be replaced when someone can come out with a tablet PC with multi touch screen that can do Photoshop.